| He accused me of stealing
his hippopotamus, but why would I do that? |
I was disappointed
at the news that God is disappointed with me. |
| My little boy is addicted
to menthol cigarettes. |
Do you disapprove
of a dress wearing a man? |
Americans advertise
for brides in Martian newspapers. |
My grandmother is famous
for her oven-roasted curry. |
| I’m afraid of
the man who lives under my bed. |
My robot is fluent
in six languages, including beep-ese. |
| My invisible friend always
agrees with me. Don’t you??!! |
“I’m full
of hope for the future,” said the Martian as he destroyed
the Sun. |
| I suspect that I’m allergic
to tomatoes and sandpaper. |
The prince on a white horse
died hoping for a prince on a white horse to save him. |
| I was amazed at your
mother’s ability to swallow glass jars. |
Why do you always insist
on stealing my earthworm pies? |
My dog is angry with
me because I got angry at him for being angry with
me. |
Are you insured against
insurance fraud? If not: Allow me to sell you some insurance! |
| I think that you should apologize
for what you did to his teeth. |
I’m not interested
in how long it took you to remove the cow’s brain. Let’s
eat. |
When Robert applied
for a position at the bank, he stole all the pens. |
The pony was so jealous
of the goat that it ran away to Las Vegas. |
Don’t argue
with me!! You’ll either eat this pie or you’ll wear
it!! |
“Don’t make
fun of Junie! Make fun of her sister instead!” |
| Excuse me—are you aware
of the horse hanging in the corner? |
“If I were married
to you, I’d poison your tea!” “If I were married
to you, I’d drink it!” |
| Vodka is bad for livers
and I’m bad at removing them. |
“Multiply two
by three and that’s how many fingers you have left,”
said the kind doctor. |
| I don’t believe
in the Devil, but I still pray to him (just in case!). |
I was never very popular
with the ladies, those illogical wenches! |
These clothes used to belong
to Louie, but now Louie belongs to a nudist colony. |
After you recover
from your headache, try to hammer some more nails with your head. |
He was boasting about
his intelligence when he accidentally fell down a manhole. |
“We’re all relying
on you to fly this plane, Joey. Joey? JOEY!!!” |
| I got bored with War
& Peace and decided to read it backwards. |
I’m responsible
to the country for catching this murderous madman... But first,
a drink! |
| Could I borrow some
DNA from your little brother? |
I’m not totally satisfied
with this hydrogen bomb. Maybe polka dots would look nicer. |
| I doubt that you’re capable
of eating my bike without cooking it. |
“Your face looks so
similar to my own!” slurred the drunk into the mirror. |
Just co-operate with
us and we’ll have your foot out of the toilet in no time. |
I’m taking memory
pills because I suffer from a tragic case of... of... |
She confided in me
that she was secretly made of paper clips and rubber. |
The wardens were suspicious
of the cloaked man with four feet. |
I’m generally content
with the house, but a roof would still be nice. |
I’m so tired
of breathing. |
Here comes a werewolf—would
you please deal with it? I’m too tired... |
This sentence has been translated
from Chinese to English. |
We never decided
on the best way to reach the 5th Dimension. |
I voted for cats
but I voted against dogs. |
| This twin differs from
his brother because he bit him. |
I often worry about the kettle, so today I left
it on just to be sure.
|
